Quilting to Report! :)


For many months after Greg passed, I just couldn’t get back into my quilting. He was so involved in that part of my life. Very interested and so supportive. I just couldn’t get my mojo back. But, finally, the fire is burning within me again. I am working on my projects and it’s bringing me joy. I am trying to turn all my WIP’s into completed items. Or, at least make a good dent in them before I start on new ones. I know that I will not be able to refrain from starting a new thing, here or there, before I finish ALL my WIPs. In the past week, I have quite a little bit of new progress to report.

I finished my “chicken quilt”. Just a simple turning twenty made with mostly chicken themed fabrics, quilted with Willow Leaf studio’s Fancy This panto. I had everything but the binding finished close to two years ago, now. Now, it’s finally draped over the back of my sofa, ready to snuggle up in during the chilly Fall/Winter months. I actually took a little nap under it yesterday.

I pulled out a little pre-cut table runner kit I have had for probably three years now. I  bought it from Chery’s Quilt Corner, in Guymon. It was designed by Judy Rice. I am so happy to see it on my table in time for pumpkin season this year! I quilted it on my longarm. For the pumpkin vines that were supposed to be done by machine or hand embroidery, I just threaded my longarm with some green thread and did them as part of the quilting.

That little table runner just makes me smile. I love pumpkins!

Last night I loaded the Oklahoma Backroads (pattern from Bonnie Hunter’s Quiltville) quilt that I started making for my Mom, back before she was diagnosed with lymphoma. So, I know this has been a WIP for over two years. I pulled it off the longarm just a little bit ago. It’s a scrap quilt, with pretty much bits and pieces of any and ever quilt I had previously made in it. I could have done a better job with the fabric values, which would have made the stars and “roads” stand out better, but she will love it for snuggling up in. It’s so busy that I decided to do a freehand “paisley-ish” allover meander on it, just to give it a nice texture. Also, being that I really avoided my longarm for over a year, and the year before that it was barely used, these little projects are a good way to sharpen up my skills again. I’m a little rusty and these are good confidence builders. I am pleased to report that my longarm just took right off, and is working perfectly, even after all that sitting, waiting for me to come back to her. That was a big relief.

Now to get the binding and a label on it, and it’s soon to be a finish, as well. :) I’m ready for it to go live with Mom!

Greg was in one of my dreams last night. At first, I wanted so badly to dream about him, because it would feel, in a way, as if he was still here, as if I had seen and talked to him. And the funny thing is, those dreams didn’t come right away. Now, when they do, I have really mixed emotions about it. Waking up after one is certainly  more painful. Because, it does feel as if he was just here, as if I just talked with him, saw him, and possibly even touched him. And then, I wake up.

I alluded to a “special someone” in a previous recent post. Yes, I am seeing someone. But no, that takes nothing away from the loss of what I had.  And, he lives six hours away. Long, but sweet, story. Someday maybe I will share it here. :)

In the meantime, I will be trying to figure out the best way to reply to your comments. While I was away, it seems WordPress changed the comment notification emails. It used to be that I could reply directly, and privately to the commenter by replying through the notification email that WordPress sent. That is no longer the case. I can click on the email address of the commenter, and send a whole new email, which is probably what I will begin doing. If I reply through the WordPress email, it posts directly here on the blog, but I don’t know if the commenter gets notification that there has been a repy. Do any of you know? I do read all your comments and have been very lax about responding during these past many months. I intend to start doing better about that again! Thanks for stopping by, and thank you for all the cyber love you have sent my way. :)

Another week…


has passed in this journey.  I had a lot of positive feedback from the last post, publicly and privately. I will, at least for now, continue to share some on my blog about this time in my life. Just getting myself up, and getting presentable for work is a monumental task these days.  I perceive grief almost as an illness…what feels like an incurable disease. I am hopeful that the symptoms will ease with time, but I can’t imagine being completely “cured” or “whole” again. At least not now, while the wound is so raw.  I don’t feel “well”. Not physically, mentally or emotionally. Physically, I am exhausted all the time. Some of you may remember a couple of years ago that I was participating in some of the online weight loss groups. I finally gave up on those last pesky ten pounds. I have lost twenty since the beginning of Greg’s illness, til now. I have trouble sleeping through the night, though during the day, I wish I could be back in bed. An acquaintance I bumped into in town this week asked if it was getting better, with the passage of time. Ummmm…no. An innocent question, I know, with only the best of intentions. But, let’s see…it hasn’t even been a month. At this point, if anything, the missing of Greg seems only to be intensifying. You know the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. At this stage, it’s like he has been gone on an extended fishing trip, and it’s time for him to return home. My mind knows that it will never be, but my heart cannot stop longing for it. Nor, for that matter, can my mind. I want some big red, magic “easy” button, like that from the Staples commercials, that I can just push and put my life back the way it was. With Greg here, present with me, in a physical form. I wonder when, at what point, and how…will these feelings begin to diminish. I find that he is constantly on my mind, no matter what I am doing. I go to work, and try to do one task at a time, and anything I manage to accomplish there feels like a small victory of sorts, and I worry that I am leaving something important undone. My concentration level is not at it’s normal level. People frequently comment to me that I am so strong…am I? I have my doubts. This weekend, I have barely been able to move. I don’t want to do much more than lay around and read. I did manage to write a handful of thank you notes, (still so many to get done) and do a couple loads of laundry, but that’s about it. I have been reading some books about grief, and I encourage others going through a loss to do the same, if for no other reason than to know that what you are feeling is not crazy. It’s so easy to feel that way in the midst of this situation.

Something else I feel in overwhelming proportions, is appreciation. Appreciation for all the love and support that has been shown to Greg, me and our family throughout this whole ordeal.  Even though no one can fix this, the love, support, and prayers do help. And, I am so thankful for all of it.  Whether from friends and family locally, or my “cyberspace” friends.  I believe that it will make me a better friend. I am so much more aware now how important it is to let others know you care, or are thinking about them. You never know when your message may have been received at a most needed moment, or what a difference you might have made for that other person. I want to once again thank each and every one of you that has commented, prayed for me, emailed me, and sent me cards. I haven’t been up to responding to each of you individually, ever since this started, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head that I want to write about, but this is all I can manage for today.  Feel free to share your thoughts in my comments section. I love hearing your stories and points of view, as well.

 

Smiles…


are hard to come by these days.  The pain of losing my one true love permeates every part of my existence. Grief.  I hesitate to write much about it on my blog, but…at the same time…it is my blog.  My musings about my life.  And now, grief is a part of my life’s daily journey. This is the road I’m walking now. How can I not write about it? I can’t pretend that it doesn’t exist. That it isn’t now a part of me. Grief is not something you feel for a few days after the loss, and then it’s all better…you just get up, go on, move on. No…it’s not neat and tidy like that. It’s messy, it is rough around the edges, jagged, a wound that keeps bleeding. It has a life and a movement of it’s own. It’s like an ocean, ebbing and flowing, calming at times, and then crashing back over you in big, uncontrollable waves. Some days you are stronger, and some days you feel as if you absolutely cannot do this. But, you must. There is no escape. You must travel on down the rough, rocky road.  Your friends and loved ones hurt with you, and for you, and naturally want to make it better, but no one can bear this pain for you. It is yours. Yours alone. It is unique to you. Grief is deeply personal. There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is no time limit on it. I don’t write to be melodramatic, or depressing, offending, or for attention,  or sympathy. Just to be  real. Honest. I read in a book on grief that stating what you are feeling can be helpful. Even as I write, I am hesitant to push the “publish” button, to share something so deeply personal to me with “the whole world”, but maybe it will not just be helpful to me, but someone else out there that is being tossed about in their own personal ocean of grief. For whatever reason, I feel compelled to share this.

Now that I have gotten those thoughts down, and out there, back to the topic of this post. Smiles. Yes, they are fewer and farther between these days. But, this is what made me smile this morning…backyard visitors…a toad, a frog, and a turtle. When your heart is broken, it’s the first thought that crosses your mind when you wake up in the morning. The pain is fresh all over again. But, I got up…let my dogs out…started a pot of coffee…and stepped out in the backyard with them. First, I found the toad, then the frog. Anyone that has read my blog for any length of time knows how I love God’s creatures. He gave me heart full of love for them. Some people find toads and frogs yucky. Not me. I think they are adorable. Then, after letting the dogs back in and feeding them, and giving Libby her insulin, I got a cup of coffee and we went back out in the yard. And, then I saw the turtle. I immediately went in the house to rummage up some food for it. I picked baby carrots, a tangelo, and some apple slices.  And, yes…I smiled as I watched it eating an apple slice.

I do hope I get to see my little visitor again.

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