Setback Day?


Today has been one of those days. I worked in my Perryton office, rather than the Borger office, where I spend most of my working time these days. Maybe that was part of it. The weather changed. It was definitely a chilly, damp, cloudy Fall kind of day. Maybe the change in seasons is part of the reason. I have worked in the Perryton office several times since Greg passed, so I don’t know what makes today one of “those” days…a day I’m calling a “setback day”, simply because I don’t know what else to say to describe it. But, here I am, a year and four months past the date of his passing. And, all day it felt so unreal. Like all the space between was erased, and I had to keep reminding myself that he is gone. It started this morning when an ambulance went down Main St., and I caught myself thinking, as I used to do when this same event happened, that I should call Greg, just make sure it wasn’t him and that he was fine. Then I remembered that no, it wasn’t him, that he wasn’t fine, and all the stuff that happened from diagnosis of his brain tumor, to his death. All day I felt as if he should be coming to get me for lunch, should be down at the glass shop working away, that he should be coming home saying “what’s for dinner?” It feels so surreal again. Yep, well over a year later…a setback day. Strange how they just come along for no apparent reason. I wonder what makes it feel so fresh all over again. Just musing aloud, there…I know there isn’t a definitive answer to that question.

6 thoughts on “Setback Day?

  1. I see the human brain as a big filing cabinet. Sometimes we thumb through the files and pull one out at random and it sends us back to whatever is in the file. We have the same feelings, fresh, again, but the difference is that it passes. With time the feelings will grow less intense and the time spent with them will shorten. But I believe we will, occasionally, revisit that file from time to time. It really means you are “normal.” Time heals but not necessarily quickly.

    1. Thank you, Eileen. I really do get comfort and smiles from them, along with the sadness and tears. I get a lot of my strength to keep moving forward and along from those memories.

  2. Big hugs, Randi. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. I wish for you the comfort and smiles as Eileen has said. God bless you.

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